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Trailer Review: They Said They’d Be Back

By / Posted on 06 April 2011

The GovernatorToday, two popular intellectual properties make returns that we very well could’ve done without. Both of these will likely make you laugh, though not necessarily for the right reasons.

With his political career behind him, Arnold Schwarzenegger is finally ready to return to the career that made him the international superstar we all know him for: Film and TV Mega-Action Superstar. Arnold and the people close to him say that the former California State Governor is carefully fielding a wide variety of screenplays, trying to find just the right blockbuster to herald his return to more celebrated celebrity. In the mean time, Schwarzenegger is already hard at work on an animated property with none other than the most legendary creator of American fiction since Walt Disney: Stan “the Man” Lee. That’s right, Stan Lee, creator of Spider-Man, the X-Men, Iron Man, the Hulk and so many others is working on a new superhero with the former Terminator.

Their project? The Governator.

Yes. The Governator.

Like all good self-satisfying fantasies, The Governator starts with a basis in reality before becoming absurd. Arnold leaves public office, shrugs off Larry King, and then fights robots. Clearly the world just couldn’t survive without him and we need Arnold to save us all. Let’s gloss over the fact that the man has a state-of-the-sci-fi-art security system and secret base – why does he have three runaways from Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch staying in his basement? Why are robots stealing money? Robots don’t need money. And what’s the deal with the oil tanker filled with milk? Is that how milk is delivered in California? Around here we package milk in bottles and cartons, then load it into a regular truck. Wouldn’t the tanker just give it a metallic taste after being pumped out? And really? The Matrix bullet-time back bend? Really? That got old in 1999.

I will add that I LOVE how the evil robots are disguised as electric cars. California knew those things were untrustworthy all along. And the whole thing is set to Black Eyed Peas’ “Pump It,” which noticeably uses the line “we the s***.” The Governator seems to be an all-ages property (why else would Arnold be fighting robots-instead-of-terrorists covered in milk-instead-of-blood in the middle of daytime-california-instead-of-Mars), so why didn’t they censor that lyric? This is the Black Eyed Peas we’re talking about here, they changed “Let’s Get Retarded” into “Let’s Get It Started” and made it into a smash hit.

Schwarzenegger confirmed at Cannes that The Governator, which is currently being shopped around for broadcast, is in production for 52 half-hour episodes, set to debut in 2012, and is planned to include a feature film in 2013 shot in 3D. That’s right, with 52 episodes, The Governator is poised to last longer than most of the critically-acclaimed animated series of the past decade and only one fewer episode than Arrested Development (though we’ll see which movie comes out first).

Speaking of excellent-but-somewhat-overhyped awkward comedies, let’s take a look at The Hangover, Part II. Pretty much everybody in the world saw the first Hangover, but all you need to know coming into this sequel is that Ed Helms, Bradley Cooper and Zach Galifianakis are unlikely friends who get way too drunk in Las Vegas before their best friend’s wedding and insanity ensues. Now they go to Bangkok for Ed Helms’s wedding and, well, yeah…

Okay, so it’s basically the exact same movie. Details have been changed (the groom has been replaced with the bride’s brother, lost tooth is replaced with facial tattoo, baby is replaced with monkey) but it’s almost exactly the same movie, and that’s a good thing. Changing the formula would’ve made this an entirely different thing, and everyone knows what they’re getting into when they sign on for a sequel to a popular film.

Plus, monkeys are adorable, and that shot of Zack Galifianakis with a semi-automatic gun in a strip club is the best single shot of gratuitous excellence in an American film trailer since Megan Fox straddled that motorcycle in the clip for Transformers 2. Cha. Ching.

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Derrick Sanskrit has produced critically-acclaimed work as an artist and writer for Nerve, Babble, Pitchfork, The Onion and the Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art, among others. He founded The Pop Aesthetic during the coldest months of his life in 2010.